i wish...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

~ 8:02 PM ~

lawls saw some mroe funny stuff

this is a dairy for a blonde

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ....Helllooo!!! .... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on the Macy’s escalator for hours after the power went out!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July -Lost breast stroke swimming competition ...... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm .....car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

~

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

~

County pays $250,000 to advertise lack of funds

Army vehicle goes missing after being painted with camouflage

Scientists have shown that moon is moving away at a tiny although measurable distance from the Earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 65 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the Earth’s surface. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs – the tall ones, anyway.